Monkey See, Monkey Do

By Kati Samargia

I remember, from the time I was in Kindergarten to about 3rd grade, being ridiculed by my teachers for holding my pencil wrong. Back then, a very long time ago, there seemed to be a right way and a wrong way to hold a pencil. The “correct ” way was to hold the pencil with the tips of your thumb, pointer and middle finger while resting it ever so gently on the top of your ring finger. The way I held it, the “wrong ” way, was by hugging that yellow stick firmly with my thumb, resting on the middle knuckle of my ring finger while my pointer and middle fingers held it in place. I also faced my hand in the wrong direction as I wrote. Instead of my fingers facing the top of the paper, they pointed at the bottom. Apparently, this was wrong.

I struggled with this dilemma for years until I figured out why I held my pencil that way. You see, both of my parents and my older brother are left handed. If you know a lefty, or you are a lefty, you know that there is another way to hold a pencil. In order to see what they are writing, they need to hold their hand with their fingers pointing down. Mind you, my death grip may have been my own spin on things, but the placement of my hand was clearly me mimicking the first people I saw writing, the lefties. And no matter how many times I was told that I was doing it wrong, I continued to see my role models do it that way. It stuck with me.

In August of last year, I wrote an article called “Coping.” In it, I talked about leading by example. I listed several examples of some all too typical bad behavior adults perpetrate in front of kids, and questioned how kids are supposed to control their own behavior when the adults around them can’t. And, now, here I am continuing to question it.

I want to question it from a different angle, though. What if we modeled good behavior? What kind of difference could that make? I think a huge difference. And, wouldn’t that make the world a better place?

It’s so easy to look at the negatives around us. There is hate, bigotry, disdain around every corner. It often feels like it would be easier to follow the crowd, if for no other reason than to fit in. But, just because it seems easier, doesn’t make it right. And, it is up to us, as the adults, to show the good. Our kids will learn by watching us live the good. It would be easy to preach, “do as I say, not as I do,” but seeing is believing.

A mom took her kids through a drive thru for lunch. With one of the meals she got a bottle of water that she put in the cup holder. Several minutes after getting their food, the mom and kids pulled up to a stop light. While there, mom rolled down her window and handed the water that she got with lunch to the homeless man standing on the median. Then the light changed, and they drove away.

After a few more minutes of driving, the six year old daughter in the back seat said, “That was very kind of you mom. That man was so happy when you gave him that water. Did you see him hug the bottle?” “I did,” the mom replied. Then the mom went on to explain to both of her kids that times like that was why she always tells them to be kind to others. “We don’t know other people’s situation, but I hope that if I were ever in need, like that man is, someone would be kind enough to help me. “

Every day, when I drop my kids off at school, I shout at them ” Kindness is key!” I love the idea that this daily reminder will sink in to their malleable brains. However, I am fully aware that my children need to see the kindness. Kids are more “monkey see, monkey do” creatures. They need to see their parents, their teachers and strangers living a life of kindness. Please and thank you goes such a long way. Holding a door, giving a bottle of water, the smallest acts can let kids know that what you say and what you do are one and the same. If we make an effort to do good for others, the crazy monkeys we have been blessed with will be more likely to see and do what we say. I think that would be amazing, and I am not just saying that.