THE COMPASSION CLUB
WHY ITS OKAY TO BE JUST OK
We’ve all taken science, math, history, and English classes, but here’s maybe the most important high school class you never took: mental wellness. You’ve likely had a tutor once in your life, whether it’s for algebra, chemistry, or some ridiculously hard class. But the hardest lesson to learn is something we all struggle with: the mental struggle of life.
However, I want to tell you how struggling is something to welcome, embrace, appreciate, and seriously normalize.
Do you ever wake up simply feeling off? Or maybe something happened the day before and you had hoped by sleeping it off you’d wake up and the “feels” would vanish? It’s part of being human; we all have those days when something just doesn’t feel right. It feels uncomfortable, unsettling, or even stressful to feel just OK and not feel great, amazing, or happy.
Society has taught many of us that positivity is what we should always strive for. Endless happy days, nothing but smiles and laughter, and a solution to all our problems that make us feel anything otherwise. But here’s the deal-io, has this ever worked out long term for any of us?
That takes us to a big question: what’s the step-by-step for easily letting off days be easier to handle, allow myself to feel better about feeling just okay, and why to embrace discomfort and how?
As a 22-year-old certified teen life coach and recent college graduate, I’ll give you the scoop on what’s worked best for me, my peers, and my teen clients.
LESSON #1: NEGATIVE EMOTIONS AREN’T ALL THAT “NEGATIVE”
Yes friends, negative emotions don’t have to be all that negative!
The truth is, negative emotions are only negative because of a negative sentence running around in your mind. It’s what you’re unconsciously telling yourself that’s making or breaking the volume of negativity in your life.
You feel negative when you CHOOSE to believe this negative sentence.
You may feel consumed by this negative thought feeling like you can’t escape it.
I feel you, and can assure you we have ALL been there.
To feel negative is such a normal, human, raw experience of life. It is a part of all of us, and tells us the truths of our lives. Sometimes these negative emotions and thoughts are here to teach us something amazing about ourselves and how we can grow.
Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.
What I can teach you now is that if something negative has popped up into your mind…
It’s not true.
Let me explain.
Negativity is a perception, an observation, a choice. We all go down that rabbit hole, but it doesn’t mean it’s the only option we have to go down.
However, that doesn’t mean feeling negative or having an off day is something we should always fix or avoid.
It’s like telling someone that just lost a loved one to stop feeling sad and to fix themselves to feel happier. What?!
I think we can all agree we genuinely feel a little sad, frustrated, disappointed, or heartbroken sometimes. We all have our morals, values, and views of right from wrong that justify why we allow ourselves to feel this way.
Sometimes, we just want to turn on an Adele song, grab that pint of ice cream, and purposefully wallow. We’re feeling our feels! We’re simply experiencing your emotions, embracing the full spectrum of our humanness.
What a relief it can be to allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel! That is what’s called: self-relief.
The feeling may not feel positive, but the space you support yourself with can in fact, be a positive thing. It’s a testament to your emotional resilience and self-acceptance. So, let’s explore how to perceive the so-called negative emotions in a more compassionate light.
As you try this concept on, you will be propelled into a world with much less negative about the negative. Think about it—if we could stop hating the hate, there would be less hate.
LESSON #2: SELF-COMPASSION IS YOUR SECRET WEAPON
Let’s delve into the second valuable lesson in our journey to embracing life’s challenges and becoming the best version of ourselves.
Have you ever heard the phrase “treat yourself as you would treat a good friend”? It’s a simple concept, yet immensely powerful. The lesson we’re exploring here is the art of self-compassion.
Self-compassion is the act of extending the same kindness, empathy, and understanding to yourself that you readily offer to a close friend in times of struggle or difficulty. It involves treating your own well-being and happiness as a priority, acknowledging your own imperfections, and nurturing a supportive inner dialogue.
Step #1: Ridding Yourself of Unnecessary Self-Judgement.
*CONTROVERSIAL TOPIC OVER HERE* But some self-judgement can be a good thing! Self judgement, or in a better view, self-observation, is an opportunity to reflect on and notice what you’d do differently next time. Self-judgement can help you see the chance to expand your opportunities, gain self-awareness, and look into your life on a deeper level.
However, sometimes we add a second layer of judgment for simply feeling or thinking a certain way. We look at this experience as something we shouldn’t be experiencing, rather than something we GET to experience. Yes, as much as we don’t like experiencing negative feelings or thoughts, these exact moments are indicators of where there is still healing to do and thinking to change.
Step #2: Give your Mind a Welcoming Hug.
Having self-compassion looks like being kind to your mind, allowing it to be where it’s at, and not judge itself for the way it functions. Sometimes our brains really love to be a negative Nancy, but that doesn’t mean we can’t love Nancy for being a healthy brain! We all experience negativity, and that’s apart of who we all are as human beings. It’s a part of us that we can normalize, neutralize, and be kind to ourselves about. By doing this, you will immediately relieve the stress of experiencing a negative feeling or thought, because of your acceptance and compassion. This is self-relief
The Three Pillars of Self-Compassion
- Self-Kindness: Instead of harshly criticizing yourself when you make a mistake or face a challenge, practice self-kindness. Treat yourself with gentleness and understanding. Understand that making mistakes and encountering difficulties is a part of the human experience.
- Common Humanity: Recognize that you are not alone in your struggles. Every person faces hardships, setbacks, and moments of self-doubt. Embrace the common humanity that binds us all, and you’ll feel less isolated in your challenges. Bring on the compassion, friends!
- Mindfulness: Stay mindful of your emotions and thoughts without judgment. Observe your feelings during tough times with a sense of awareness. By mindfully acknowledging your pain or discomfort, you can avoid getting entangled in negative self-talk and self-criticism.
LESSON #3: YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER YOU NEED IN YOUR MIND
Your #1 superpower is your self-awareness. Developing self-awareness means becoming attuned to your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. Above all things you can do to become a master of your mind, self-awareness is the first step.
Why? Because self-awareness shows you your mind, why you do the things you do, what you feel, why you feel that way, etc.! It’s about understanding what makes you tick and why you react the way you do in different situations. Self-awareness allows you to recognize patterns and triggers in your life. It empowers you to take control of your responses and make more intentional choices. By doing so, you instantly provide yourself self-relief.
Here are a few steps to enhance your self-awareness:
Step #1: Practice Self-Reflection.
Set aside time regularly to think about your experiences, emotions, and actions.
Step #2: Journal your Thoughts and Feelings.
Writing down your thoughts can help you identify recurring patterns and gain clarity.
Step #3: Seek Feedback.
Ask for input from trusted friends, family, or mentors to gain an outside perspective on your strengths and areas for growth.
With all that being said, you have already built a newfound sense of awareness just by reading all the way through! And remember, your journey towards betterment and improvement will always have its ups and downs. However, you can always take back control, have self-compassion, and be your best friend through this process. All that power is within you as long as you believe it.
You’ve so got this!!
P.S. Teens, if you want to feel emotionally and mentally powerful during any period of stress, click here.
P.P.S. Also! Teens, if you want a fun wall poster, binder cover, or hydro flask sticker to boost your mental and emotional well-being, I’ve got you! Click here.
MEET THE BLOGGER
WHY ITS OKAY TO BE JUST OKAY : A teen’s guide towards more self-compassion and self relief. Coming from a teen!
BIO:
Ariel Jolie serves as a certified teen life coach, entrepreneur, and mental health advocate for her generation. She is a teen life coach for tweens, teens, and young adults who want to feel empowered with their minds and in themselves to face their present and future with confidence, clarity, and certainty.
Holding her coaching certification from The Life Coach School, founded by esteemed Master Certified Instructor Brooke Castillo, Ariel is resolute in her mission to equip her peers with indispensable tools. Through Self-Coaching methods, Social and Emotional Learning, and the often-overlooked mental skills absent from conventional education, Ariel champions the transformative potential of her generation.
Distinguished by its focus on the present and future, life coaching under Ariel’s guidance is a roadmap to self-empowerment. By honing self-coaching techniques, individuals learn to navigate their mental landscape, nurture well-being, and forge bold paths of action. Unlike therapy, life coaching centers on the present and future, catalyzing growth from where you stand, and propelling you toward your aspirations.
With the echoes of her recent graduation from Point Loma Nazarene University, where received a Bachelor’s Degree studying both business and life coaching, Ariel introduces a vibrant perspective to her teen clientele. Fluent in the language of teenagers and well-versed in tailored techniques, she adeptly meets young minds exactly where they are on their journey of self-discovery and empowerment.
WEBSITE: https://ariel-sonenstein.wixsite.com/my-site-1
INSTAGRAM: @arieljoliecoaching
EMAIL: arieljoliecoaching@gmail.com