THE COMPASSION CLUB
Am I Enough?
Tina Vaphiadis- Am I Enough?
Am I Enough? It’s a question we ask ourselves—sometimes without even realizing it. Our subconscious creates destructive doubt in our minds about our self-worth.
I’ll answer your question with a definite YES! I’ll even give you a HECK YEAH!!!! But here’s the thing, it really doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is what YOU think.
A million Yesses will not fill your cup unless you are the one doing the pouring! This is really easy when your self-love jug is full but how do you pour from an empty jug? You can’t. What you can do is fill your jug so much so that it not only runneth over into your cup but into everyone else’s around you.
SO HOW DO I FIND THE SOURCE? The ever-full well of abundant self-affirmation?
I am a firm believer in outsourcing, especially when it comes to those exhausting tasks, I have no clue how to do or that drain my own creative energy such as reading my social media insights, the tech part of creating my webinars/podcasts and of course the crazy details I need to know when desperately trying to make a TikTok video and keeping up with the ever-changing trends. Outsourcing is wonderful because it frees up your time and hands over the tasks and responsibilities to the experts…keeping me from literally losing my mind. But here’s the thing: you can’t outsource your happiness, your worthiness or your own worth to others.
Filling up your JUG is all on you. This needs to be your number one responsibility! Sure, some people might give you some drops of validation, love, value and worthiness; however these are just what they are…. drops! They are tiny drops in a huge well that needs to be filled and the only person who has constant access and can fill it consistently is the owner of that well. Yes…YOU! You are the owner and the sole proprietor of that well. There are of course those drops you do get from people, they wet your whistle and sometimes they may even quench your thirst for a bit… but they will never ever keep it overflowing. To be honest, they shouldn’t have to because as you, they too have to mind their own reserve. In other words, each of us is responsible for our own well, protecting it and renewing it so as there is a constant abundant flow.
So how do you create this abundance of “enoughness” and how do you build the well of unlimited love, self-awareness, compassion, and worthiness? For starters, you need to create the space for the well to flow which means you need to declutter your brain from all the hoarding you’ve done by collecting all those nasty things that are taking space in your head. It’s when you start listening to your thoughts and as soon as a negative thought pops up you take it and make yourself acutely aware that this thought does not serve you. It is taking up space in your well. All those pebbles are heavy to carry around with you and they also block the flow of the positive thoughts to come in and fill you up. The negative thoughts are always bigger, rougher and heavier…so it definitely takes time, energy and help to get rid of them. Caution: they can scratch! They need to be sent away and while you are getting rid of them and opening up space you thank them for the lessons, they have taught you because they have come to you through experiences you have had in your life. This means you have lived and even though some challenges have left a deep mark on you and perhaps have really taken up too much space in your well, they have taught you something. You learned about life and about yourself. Now you’re ready to move on and share that message with others.
As you slowly empty out all those rocks you might get triggered and depending on the triggers and the seriousness of them, I would strongly suggest that outsourcing help is a precious timesaver, not to mention a lifesaver. Whether it be through a therapist, coach or even a friend you don’t have to move all this rubble by yourself. Allowing people to help you clear the way to creating your well of abundance is actually a sign of strength and not weakness, so please ask for help. You are not alone!
Once you’ve started creating this space you need to start building your boundaries. Your well needs strong walls in order to keep the flow going while being protected from people trying to steal your flow. Boundaries are not formed in order to stop you from sharing, they are created to ensure that you always have an abundant amount of flow and protect from the people coming in who while drinking from the well also might through in some of those annoying pebbles that may eventually block your flow again. Start building your boundaries with beautiful colored pebbles that are soft but resilient and withstand the waves of people coming in and out of your life. Those stunning pebbles reflect light and love, kindness and compassion and of course empathy for those who struggle to understand why they can only go so far. Be unapologetic about your boundaries! They are there for you and the greater good. The more flow you have the more of service you will be for the ones around you. Remember you are the receiver of people; you are receiving them into your space…you are not giving them your space. Be deliberate with whom you receive. The choice is yours and yours only, no one else’s.
Let’s look at it this way…
As the creator of your own abundant well, look at yourself not only as a giver but as a receiver. Acknowledge what you are receiving from your own thoughts. Are your receiving happiness, love and appreciation? Are you receiving compassion, empathy and awareness? If so that means that as a receiver you are able to receive others and give back from what you already have an abundant amount of. So how can you build up your flow and receive all these beautiful pebbles that color your thoughts with high vibrational energy and protect others from taking too much or filling it up with those scratchy rocks?
This is where you need to simplify your thoughts by creating space and peace for them to flourish.
Many times, I ask my clients: “Are you happy?” The answer in most cases is “I guess.” Imagine, most people don’t really know if they are happy or not! People are so used to being on autopilot that they lose connection with what actually makes them happy and whether or not they actually are.
Ask yourself the same question. “Am I happy?” If you can’t answer right away with a yes and a why then you got some cleaning of your well to do!
So how do you create your own happiness in order to fill up your well? Many people ask me this question: “How do I become happy?”
Well, there is no happy pill. Let’s set the record straight, in this world where we are in an overdose of positivity yet so many people are battling with identity and depression, you need to understand and accept the fact that happiness might not be a 24/7 feeling. This is totally OK! You aren’t a robot, and someone has not programmed your system to be in HAPPY MODE, you’re human and by being human you feel, and those feelings are necessary for your own survival not to mention sanity. There will be times you feel, sad, angry, confused and even depleted however the point of having the abundance of that well is being to go to it any time you need to refresh your thoughts with the simple fact that YOU ARE ENOUGH! You need to give yourself that beautiful pause, or grace period where you can collect from the flow of the well and fill up your jug and pour it into your cu while you reflect on those feelings that might take your energy level down a few notches. This is how important iit is to keep your cup full because when it is low or empty that is when you start reacting instead of acting and it is at these crucial times when you start looking for others to fill up your cup, sometimes it might be subtle and micro dosing might leave you feeling refreshed for a bit but what happens when you start getting thirsty again. These are the times when those drops you get might actually taste like vinegar and not only not quench your thirst but leave you with a horrible taste in your mouth.
Happiness does not define you nor does it question your worth. It is ok not to be happy all the time. What you’re looking for is too grateful all the time. You’re looking for appreciation which breeds happiness. People who truly appreciate will feel appreciated regardless of the situation because it is coming from within. Once you start filling up your own well with gratitude and your thoughts become colored with happy thoughts because your eyes of your eyes are open to actually looking at the situations which arise in your life as messages and lessons, your own sense of worth starts to rise. It has nothing to do with if you are exactly happy this very moment of perhaps ticked off at something, it has to do with the simple understanding that you have total control of choosing how to receive this message and what you choose to learn from this lesson.
Now that you have created a place for the flow of abundance…and you have your beautiful well, how do you fill up your LOVE JUG?
- Start by creating a daily routine of positive thinking. This could be using a journal or just going over it in your head but either way, you need to be present in the moment and implement this into your daily routine. Set a daily time where you take 5 minutes to sit in total stillness recalling some positive memories. Keep these memories on hand because they come in handy in times of crisis. Think of them as beautiful snapshots that you love so much that you have framed them and take those five minutes to stare at them in sheer appreciation for those wonderful moments.
- Create opportunities and ideas for making new habits, new traditions for you and your family that can change up the monotonous feeling that may drag you down and sometimes leaves your well a bit dry. Find new things you can do to help give you new sources of “wellness”.
- Check your sleep pattern! Crucial in rebuilding your well of worthiness! How can you build if you are exhausted and depleted? It clouds your vision and that’s when people sneak in and start throwing those little rocks into your well without you even noticing it happening! This is when you absolutely need to start monitoring how you feel during the day. May attention to little signs like brain fog, irritability, sadness, lack of self-confidence, feeling lethargic, and procrastination. Sleep is the number one factor to creating strength and resilience. As you monitor your daily patterns start experimenting with time schedules and how you can get the best amount of sleep-in order for you to feel energetic and productive during the day.
- Self-compassion! Give yourself a break and cut yourself some slack! I mentioned how important it is to ask for help! You also need to love yourself and not feel guilty and stressed out about asking for some assistance of even giving yourself the necessary time off needed…unapologetically! We are living in unprecedented times, and you need to love yourself first!
- Build social connections that make you feel great. Be careful these connections are not the drops you might be looking for in order to give you a quick fix! You are not micro-dosing on human connection. Build real connection with people who have created that abundant well of self-worth and you will see how their energy will pour over onto yours and then an incredible momentum flourished and there is no stopping that flow because it is authentic in its true abundance! Cheer their windfalls and use your own to help others. This will eventually become such an incredible source of wealth for you and everyone else in your social circle that your own self-worth will skyrocket. Healthy human connection and acts of kindness are incredible for building a strong foundation for your own personal growth.
- Common sense does not mean common practice, so just knowing the theory does not a happy person make. It gives you a fake sense of value and security and can easily be destroyed at any time if you haven’t put what you’ve learned into practice! Remember, read the books, listen to the podcasts, seek help but don’t let theory just take up space in your mind or on your phone, or bookshelves. Take time to actually make the theory your reality and learn how to embody all these wonderful tools you have been given. If you want to change your habits and increase your own self-worth resilience then you need to change your behavior, not just learn the stuff. This is why it is crucial to focus on the micro concepts of what actually makes us happy.
- Savor the moment! Slow down and really enjoy the beauty of what you are doing! It can be anything. I for example am enjoying this beautiful Sunday writing out my thoughts and savoring the moment that I get to do something I absolutely love. You can savor any moment! Trust me. I have even found changing my child’s diaper as a moment to be savored. Don’t look at the mess. Look at the time you get, the connection and the gift you have in front of you. Don’t look at the poopy diaper! That has no relevance on the moment. Imagine if you no longer had a moment? How would you feel? I would like to say sad, so then savor it. Savor the time you get to create special time doing anything you want. Savoring is connected to perception and how you choose to perceive life is how much you will allow yourself to savor it.
This brings me to ask you kindly to savor every moment you have with yourself and how you choose to perceive yourself will create your own self-worth and how you choose to show up in order to fill up that jug from the well of abundance you have built. Is that glass half full or half empty? How are you filling up your own glass?
I certainly hope that you fill up your LOVE JUG and pour graciously into your cup as it overflows abundantly into so many different cups around you.
So yes, my beautiful soul, you are more than enough, you are just right!
Now go to that mirror and tell yourself that as I cheer you on with my glass from across the pond.
Tina Vaphiadis - Am I Enough?
Facebook: oluvmetinavaphiadisIG: @oluvme
YOU ARE ENOUGH!