Learning To Be A Listener

By Brittni Schroeder

I love to hear a good story, but more so, I love to tell a good story. I like to talk—that’s no secret. Rarely am I at a lack for things to say. I am confident in my ability to talk, but my ability to listen could definitely use some fine tuning.  

Being a good listener does not come easy for some of us. It takes time and practice. What comes to your mind when you think about listening to a friend, or, more importantly, to your child? Do you find yourself anticipating what you want to say in response to what they have said? Or are you fully engaged with what they are talking about? When it comes to connecting with others, it’s not just about hearing what they are saying, but consciously listening.

Eye Contact

It’s important to have eye contact with the person you are communicating with. It shows that you are paying attention and care about the conversation. Eye contact is a social cue that shows care and concern for the other person. When you don’t make eye contact with the person you’re speaking with, it shows disinterest in what they are saying. Practice eye contact with the next person you have a conversation with.

Ask Questions

Be invested in the conversation. Why are they talking to you and what message are they trying to share with you? Practice asking more specific questions about the person or their story. People love to talk about themselves and it makes them feel good when people are interested in them. Getting to know more about the story will help you get to know more about the person.

Focus on the Person

It’s easy for us to think about what we want to say after the other person has stopped talking. But if you are constantly thinking about your response, you will always miss out on carefully listening to the other person. Focus on what they have to say. Wait until the other person stops talking before you formulate a response. Often when we listen to people, we spend more energy thinking about what we want to say rather than truly listening to their message.

Limit Distractions

We live in a time that is filled with so many distractions. We are constantly bombarded with so much noise that it can be a challenge to truly listen to another person. In order to be a good listener, limit distractions during your conversation. Put your phone away, turn the music down, and engage. It takes a conscious decision to limit distractions. Limit as many interruptions as you can when you are listening to someone else. Along with practicing good social skills, this shows them you sincerely care.

Engage

Engage yourself in the conversation. Let the other person know that they have your attention and focus. When you are not engaged in the conversation, the other person will notice and will most likely not want to talk to you again. Show the other person that you care about them and are interested in what they have to say. One way you can show this is by responding with a short comment, such as, “Yes” or “I understand.” This expresses to the other person that you are truly listening. Make sure that you allow the other person to primarily do the talking while you are still engaged.

In a time where many voices can be heard, are we listening to those who matter the most to us? Take the time to improve this skill. As we become better listeners, we will enrich our connections and relationships. Hearing is one thing, but listening is a true gift.

Visit https://showcompassion.org/get-involved to start a Compassion Club in your community.