Mirror, Mirror: Gaining Confidence in a Modern World

Once upon a time an evil queen asked, “Mirror, Mirror on the wall who’s the fairest of them all?”  Although the queen was a grown woman, extremely powerful, and had every opportunity at her fingertips, she continued to look to external sources for validation. Instead of opportunity, service, and respect, the queen chose vanity, envy, and pride. Instead of kindness and compassion, she ultimately chose cruelty and revenge. In today’s modern world, how do we strip away vanity and pride and build confidence from within?  How do we fortify the emotional stamina in today’s young people in order to forge meaningful connections and have a happy and productive life? 

As parents, leaders, and teachers, we must first model a fortress of self-assurance that protects children from the pitfalls of poor self-esteem. Today’s youth suffer from a never-ending barrage of negative encounters that slowly chip away at otherwise healthy self-concepts. They are surrounded by immediate technology that incites comparison and envy and skews their perception of reality. I want to say to these young people, “Wake up kids!!! You don’t need a magic mirror!!! Your beauty and confidence lie within!!!” We must consider ways in which we can prepare children for success and build the necessary confidence to soar above the clouds on a stormy day.

We start by building a consistent routine. Children want to feel safe and secure. They crave a stable environment, unconditional love, and people they know they can count on. Simple things like providing a smooth morning routine and a consistent schedule for homework and extracurricular activities teach children essential time management skills that are vital for reducing stress. Every day we must not only set our children up for success, but model organization, self-management, and consistent, positive behavior in our own lives.

Allowing children and teens to achieve and feel a sense of pride in doing something on their own increases positive momentum. Explore what your child likes to do and promote activities that stretch and motivate them to achieve. I love the quote in Glennon Doyle Melton’s book, Love Warrior: “You can’t miss your boat. It’s yours. It stays docked ‘til you’re ready. The only boat you can miss is someone else’s. Let them have theirs while you wait for yours.” 

Setting goals and allowing children to meet these goals or even letting them fail will help children understand the benefits of hard work and persistence. These types of experiences allow children to break away from comparison and run their own race. This quote also encourages us to teach our kids to be happy for others who are succeeding, knowing that joy is the eternal journey, not meeting a specific timeline. 

Kids need stability but even when they aren’t able to control their circumstances or environment, they can build resilience from within. At the end of my junior year, I moved from Seattle, Washington to a small town in South Carolina. As a teenager, this sudden upheaval shook my confidence to the core. I was constantly reassessing my own identity and looking for ways to fit in at a new school. I embraced solitude and caved to moments of depression. Slowly, I was able to feel more secure because of the unconditional love and support my family gave me during a difficult time. It was scary to be the first to say hello or yes to something new, but I kept at it and developed meaningful connections. I became friendlier, more positive and at peace. I also came to the realization that I didn’t need to be happy 100% of my day. It’s okay to feel negative emotion if we stand to benefit long-term from challenging experiences in a positive way. Emotional support, unconditional love, and quality family time creates strength in navigating challenges in turbulent times. 

Finally, give children opportunities to build independence and allow them to make mistakes in a safe environment. Failure is worth the risk. As kids learn from past mistakes, they become more teachable and confident. We must help them dream big dreams and sacrifice our own comfort in accomplishing goals, whether big or small. Allowing children to fail may seem harsh or even unfair but this is how they will grow, increase their cognitive development, and expand their emotional independence. Offer kids occasions to build trust, keep promises, and carve a path they can call their own. At the end of the day, as they seek out their own reflection in the mirror on the wall, they may just be content with what they see.