A Sound So Sweet

I have had a hard time finding a topic to write about in the last few months. At first, I thought it was because I just don’t have much to say. Then, I laughed and laughed. I have plenty to say, but I just couldn’t commit to a topic. It was very frustrating. Then I figured it out, I had become embarrassed by my voice.

I didn’t become embarrassed by the sound of my voice. I got used to that nasally, midwestern sound a long time ago. What I became embarrassed by was my opinions, my observations, my fears. I was afraid of offending people, of coming across as holier than thou.

I have written this article seven times, and deleted the majority of it six times. Every thing I write about comes across as whiny, snooty, jerky. None of what I have been writing is anything I haven’t talked about with my friends. There is so much happening in the world, there is not a short supply of topics. Yet, her I am rambling about my indecision.

I asked friends on Facebook for suggestions. I got some good ones, from corn to “Economic effects of world war I and how that precipitated the prelude to World war II, now go” (That is my favorite).  And, while I think I could give all the pros and cons of kettle corn, I am just not feeling it. I asked my kids what they would want to read about, they were no help at all.

Then, I spoke with my tribe, an amazing group of women who make me feel safe. We laugh, we are honest, we tell it like it is. These ladies could not understand why I wouldn’t, couldn’t trust my voice. They told me to say what I am feeling, not to worry about what others may think. That even though it sounds negative in my head, the people reading it won’t take it that way. And so, here I am, not writing about much. Not writing about things that I think about daily. But I am writing about getting my voice back, and my ears too. I listened to other people, people that I trust and admire. I heard the confidence that they have in me, and they reminded me my voice isn’t so bad.

If you find yourself losing your own voice, just give it some time. Even if your tribe is one or two people strong, listen to their encouragement (and give it back). Then you will be reminded that your voice is sweet.