Book Covers

Wouldn’t life be awesome if you really could tell a book by it’s cover? I would not have wasted countless hours and dollars had I not been drawn in by fancy illustrations, gripping font or the name of my favorite author. I look at these covers, I even read the synopsis, and I decide right then and there if I want to delve into this story or move on to the next title.

I know this is how it works with books, so why don’t I remember it for people?

I am a judger. I look at people, and more times than not, I decide who they are from the look on their face, the way they carry themselves, who they are with. After that moment of judgement, I remember that their cover is only a small indication of their story.

Growing up, I was painfully shy, had an eating disorder and had zero self esteem. I had very few friends, didn’t talk to a lot of people and ate lunch alone. It wasn’t until years after I graduated high school that I found out that most people thought I was a snob! That was not my story at all.

My oldest son has an anxiety disorder. He hides behind silly humor, self-deprecation and obnoxiosness. He doesn’t have a ton of friends, he walks with his head down, his hair is a mess. I don’t tell you this to be cruel about my kid. I just know, that by his cover, even by his synopsis, he is not very approachable. I also know that he is kind, funny, very smart, compassionate and awesome.

On the other end of the spectrum is a young high schooler I shall call Mal. Mal is beautiful. She dresses impeccably, I doubt she shops at Wal-Mart. Mal has a ton of friends. By looking at her I can tell she’s popular. From looking at her, I imagine she doesn’t leave the comfort of her clique. I judge.

At a party for kids in The Compassion Club, my son sat alone eating pizza. Mal sat with her friends, talking and laughing. That could have easily been the end of the story. But, Mal noticed my son, alone, and asked my friend,Brittni, what his name was. She then told Brittni that she should invite him over. Brittni encouraged Mal to invite him, and she did! My son, anxiously replied that he was waiting for a friend, and declined. How wrong was I?!?

Don’t get me wrong. I am well aware that there are plenty of people who are what they seem. Sometimes a person who looks like a jerk is a jerk. Or, a person who looks like a ray of sunshine is just that, plain and simple. But, most of the time, there is more. More pain, more sorrow, more panic, more joy, more love, more story.

As a parent, I know I can’t write my kids’ stories. What I try to do is to contribute to their outline through guidance. I often tell my kids that they don’t have to be everyone’s friend, but they do have to be kind to everyone. I remind them when they are frustrated or angry that they are the only ones who can control their reaction to things. They can’t blame others for making them mad. I explain that when others are rude or mean that they should try to ignore it, or smile at them. Perhaps that is all the other person needs is a friendly smile. I try to lead through example, and when I fail, I tell them I was wrong.

One thing I love about books is when there are surprises. The “I did not see that coming” moment. Everyone has that somewhere in their own stories. We just need to look past the cover.

Written by Katy